i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
