3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
