My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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