I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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