How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
