You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
