Someone shit on the floor
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
