if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
