why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
