it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
