I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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