I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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