I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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