i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
