Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize