The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
