When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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