it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
