I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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