Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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