where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
