I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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