Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
