she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
