We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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