My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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