; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It's blow job season.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
