felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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