I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Randomize
