I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
