All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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