Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
