Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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