How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
