With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
