i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
