Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
