Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
