he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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