Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
