it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
