Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
