Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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