the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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