before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
