also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
