I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
