I'm sorry my penis didn't work
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
