My Higher Power is John Stamos
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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