It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
