Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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