the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
