how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
