the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
