I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
two words: eviction party
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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