I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
