dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
