I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
