I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
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