Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
