I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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