the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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