When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
