We won't sleep together?
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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