just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
