this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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