It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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