You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
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